When I was younger, barely into adolescence, I became fascinated with the possibilities of my newly developed body. I developed early,
you see, and nature was quite generous. Still, I was only a young girl, still somewhat embarrassed about it all, and entirely confused about
what I could do, and what I should do
The world was confusing. The high fashion models and actresses dressed in the kind of slutty outfits my schoolmates and I adored, but
which we'd never dare wear.
Girls just didn't wear tight little minis to school where I grew up, or shimmery, nearly see through tops, or blouses and dresses
showing immense amounts of cleavage. We were fascinated by the idea of doing so, but no one had the bravery. And if she had we all would
have trashed her mercilessly.
But I, like most girls, I suppose, liked to imagine myself as seductive and provocative and "hot", and liked it when the guys got all
hot and bothered by us, even if it did embarrass us more than a little.
As I grew older the confusion receded, and if anything my fantasies and desires about what I could do with my body grew more powerful.
There were so many possibilities in the realm of sex which I would have loved to have explored, so many things I'd heard about, read about,
even seen in furtive glimpses of adult oriented magazines and pornographic videos.
But I lived in a small town, and went to a small school, and rumour was a powerful impediment to experiencing your fantasies come to
life. I had to content myself with a lot of self abuse and some fondling and groping until I got old enough to get a "real" boyfriend.
Towards the end of my high school years I lost my virginity, but it was a disappointment. I had been drinking, he had been drinking,
and we were both inexperienced. It was a short lived experience, and altogether unsatisfying. I tried again a few times and things were
better, but just didn't live up to my fantasies. I always felt inhibited by what he would think of me, and whether he would tell his buddies
what I did or said or how I acted.
The only realization of the pleasure I had imagined came from, of all places, my best friend Karen. During a sleep over we got to
talking about sex and boys and kissing, and a variety of other things, and wound up experimenting on each other. Since we trusted each other
absolutely we could reveal our desires like we never could to our boyfriends, and I finally began to get a taste of the exciting
possibilities out there.
Still, we were just two young girls fooling around, and though we enjoyed ourselves we were still fairly innocent, especially compared
to the worldly people I was to encounter later on.
College was to be a great release. Far away from home and family and friends, on a huge campus where no one would know me, where I
could, I knew, indulge myself in my youth, in the possibilities of my body. I vowed to have a college experience I would look back on when I
was older, to do everything I could, at least once, and maybe many times.
All of this is to lead up to why I pledged to the Gamma Phi sorority when I went to College. Gamma Phi had a reputation as a really
raunchy sorority. There were rumours of orgies and gang bangs, none confirmed, always related second or third or fourth hand.
Gamma Phi was also said, and this wasn't rumour, to be the wealthiest of all the campus sororities, with a fabulous house with big,
luxurious rooms and the best stereo and video equipment around, including a big screen TV.
I never thought I'd get in. I mean, they were also supposed to be the most selective of all the sororities. Girls who'd failed to get
in talked about being grilled for hours about every facet of their lives, including their histories, their fantasies, and ambitions, their
likes and dislikes.
Of course it had initiation rites, just like the rest, and it, like the others, was shrouded in mystery, but it was supposedly really
tough and weird.
Anyway, I never thought I'd get in, but I applied, and like the rumours claimed, I found myself sitting in a chair, surrounded by a
dozen girls, all asking me questions, some of them extraordinarily personal, like when I'd lost my virginity, and how often I masturbated,
and what I thought about when I did, and did I ever use sex toys, and did I ever try this, or that, or this, or that. Wow, it was
I passed that exam, apparently, and got called back for a second interview, this one in a dark room with three girls. They were in
shadow while I was brightly lit up. I couldn't even make out their faces. The interview was all about sex, mostly, and what offended me or
"How do you feel about your body, Claudia?" I was asked right off.
"How do you feel about your body?"
"Uh, okay. I mean, let's face it, I'm pretty well built. The boys seem to think so anyway."
"Would you be ashamed to be seen naked by other women?"
"No. What do you mean?"
"We have common showers here."
"Oh, that doesn't bother me. I mean, we had to take showers together all through high school in gym class."
"So it doesn't embarrass you to be seen in the nude?"
"No." I shrugged, putting on a casual, worldly air.
In truth, being nude around others aroused me tremendously. It always had, especially after Karen and I had begun playing our little
games. I would watch the other girls in the showers, imagining having sex with them, always very careful not to be seen watching.
"Would it offend you to find out that some of our sisters are gay?" I was asked.
"You said you'd had a lesbian affair?"
"When I was younger."
I had thought that would make me seem worldly, and it was becoming more and more fashionable to be a little bi.
"You're defensive about that. Why?"
"I'm not defensive."
"Yes, you are. Are you ashamed of what you did?"
"Do you ever find yourself attracted to women?"
"Uh, the odd time. I'm mostly attracted to men, though."
"So you think you're bisexual."
"Uh, I wouldn't say that. Completely."
"You're defensive again. Does homosexual sex embarrass you?"
"No, I mean, I... no."
"You just don't want us to think you're a pervert."
"Yeah," I grinned, weakly, "That's about it."
"Does the idea of bondage bother or offend you?"
I went a little red. Me and Karen had played around a little with bondage, tying each other up. Even with Karen I'd hid how turned on
that had made me. But that was just silly games. And we'd mostly giggled a lot.
"You wouldn't be bothered if you went to the kitchen and found one of our sisters there, nude, getting a drink say, and wearing
I was startled but fought to keep myself from showing it. "No."
"Have you ever experimented with bondage?"
"A little." I shrugged defensively, turning a bit red.
"With a man, or with your girlfriend?"
"Both. A little. Do you guys need to know all this?"
"A portion of our sisterhood is lesbian and some are involved in submissive, dominance relationships. We don't want you judging them
as perverts and denouncing them."
"I wouldn't do that."
"That's what we are trying to determine, Claudia. We don't want any judgmental people here. If it seems we're focussing strictly on
sex that's because we've already talked to you about politics and education and almost everything else. Also, if a person is going to be
judgmental, or offended by anything, it will likely be about sex and sexuality."
"Well, I suppose that's true," I said.
"I want you to do something for us, Claudia."
"Stand up and remove your clothing."
I stared in disbelief. "What?"